Go2Sleep ...

Another night, another episode of me fearing sleep and the morning that comes after it. Either I'm a glutton for punishment, or I really just feel like the summer rain outside is the perfect soundtrack to the pictures in my mind.

I wonder if she's thought about me today. I wonder what she dreams about.

Truly, the monotony and lack of income that accompanies being unemployed is beginning to wear on me. It's been a month since I've taken the bar, and I'm anxious to move to the next step. Granted, if laying low, exploring a new city, and generally being carefree paid $40k annually, I'd be straight. But since it doesn't, it really just gives me more time to think and reflect on the shrinkage occurring in my bank account. On a day when I learned the unemployment rate in Detroit climbed to almost 30%, the awareness of my financial situation hit even closer to home.

If there's no sense in crying over spilled milk, I guess it makes even less sense to cry if there's no milk to spill in the first damn place...

All there is to do is for me to stay up all hours of the night.
Thinking.
About everything.
And nothing, at the same time.

Funny how this bed wasn't so lonely not too long ago. I was comfortable in your arms. Safe. Maybe too comfortable? Who can ever say. But I can't deny what felt good to me.

It's the return of the brooding side of me. The pensive side that never knows quite what to do or who to be. The side that doesn't know if it wants to collapse and pass out or grab a drink and sit under the stars. The one that has no idea if it's better to be alone or in the company of someone who knows when to speak and when to be silent. The one who knows writer's block and thinker's lament.

The one who hears thunder now but knows he needs to get his ass in gear as soon as the sun comes up. But for now it's just me and the beat tapes until something tells me what to do...

Sweet dreams.