Drones in the Valley ...

"Here we stand at this fork in the road
We got no time to waste
Oh which way shall we go?
This old world's spinning out of control
Oh which way shall we go?
Which way shall we go?
I can't believe this, it makes me sick."
--- Cage the Elephant, 'Drones in the Valley'

[The "new post" button is very intimidating. It taunts me every time I visit this site.]

I've become dismayed with people.
Again.

'People' and I have developed a love/hate relationship of late. For some reason, I have become acutely aware of the pretentiousness that permeates the area in which I live .. and I can't stand it. It's more than the examples of entitlement that I've seen before. It's deeper than that. It's proof to me that for some - no, for most - a new unstoppable force has taken over their lives and pushes them to greater, higher heights of arrogance and obnoxiousness:

Ego.

The one thing that makes us keenly aware that we are better than 'this,' 'that,' or 'them.' Apparently, when it goes unchecked, it goes wild. It's worse than selfishness; deeper than greed. It keeps us from being our true selves in favor of the self that we want others to be aware (read: jealous) of.

Ergo, ego has won.

What's more important: appearance, or substance? Seeing, or being seen? I think that we all reach a point in our lives where being ego-centric is accepted, if not expected. But shouldn't we grow out of that? Shouldn't that be dropped in favor of growth - for ourselves, in our careers, in love with another - and progress? It's the reason that 'grown' people are constantly running around touting their swagger (remember when 'swagger' was really just 'charisma'?). It's the reason that adult men find it acceptable to grab adult women in public and demand their attention. It's the reason why fights start. It's the reason why we burn out. It's the reason why we can't communicate. It's the reason why we deprive ourselves of basic needs in order to show out for someone else's approval.

And I see it every single day. Worse, I live and exist not only in a time period, but in a career where self-deprivation is a hallmark... and rarely for the noble reasons it once was. Rather than giving of themselves for the greater good, I am constantly surrounded by this new(est) breed of egotistical attorney whose only fidelity is to the bottom line. Yes, s/he kills his/her self in the interim, but only to better their stature.

Yes: ego has hijacked dignity, too, while holding civility and decency hostage. And at the rate we're going, damned if we can afford the ransom. To say I'm unimpressed by what I've been watching recently would be an understatement.

To say I'm giving up on people, though, would just be a lie.

I believe in inherent goodness. I believe that this whole culture led by ego will die. I believe it will be replaced by a culture anchored in respect and some form of tolerance. We will get away from ourselves in an effort to pursue happiness .. not the zero-sum form that we seem to think exists (the kind that says my happiness must come at the expense of yours, where there are only winners and losers), but the collective kind where we all receive joy by seeing the next man doing well. You have to believe in these things, or the current state of affairs will eat you alive. Then we'll know for sure that ego has won.

Another victim claimed.

Well Thought Out Twinkles ...

I promised a return.
(I live for the enticement of anticipation. The allure of bated breath.)

I'll give you the following bullet points to hang your hats on:

• I passed the Maryland bar exam. In a month's time, I will officially be a sworn-in member of the Maryland State Bar. I am where I wanted to be .. where I said I'd be.
  
• My girlfriend is amazing. It still feels unreal to mention her by title, but she has taught me so much by her example that I can't even begin to describe or explain her influence. More importantly, she's been a great, great friend to me from day 1.
• I'm being haunted. At least it feels that way. There's a certain spectre hanging over my shoulder. I can't tell if I want it there or not.
  
• I feel the desire .. nay, the need to write again. Expect something from me as soon as I can tease it out via the right muse. My mind needs to release before it explodes. Addition by subtraction.
  
• The heat in my house is on Mississippi Plantation. It's hot in here.

Expect to hear from me.
(I think I have something to say this time.)

Unglued ...

There's a moderate amount of screaming going on in my head.
The words, the messages don't make any sense. But they're incessant.
It's an annoying sort of chaos.

I've had another one of those hi/lo weeks - and it's only half over. As usual, it's been punctuated with a particular kind of emptiness that won't allow me to rest completely. Chips have fallen, but I could use a few falling my way.

When they do, I'll likely feel myself again. Likely. No guarantees.

In the meantime...

Lockjaw ...

I teased you, I know. For that I'm sorry.

Judgment day is Friday. Expect to hear more once the date has passed. If you've got a spare prayer available, send one up for me!