Hypnophobia - an abnormal fear of falling asleep.
I've always been the one who never wanted to miss anything. Not that I wanted to be in the center of it all, but I never wanted things to pass me by. I always wanted to be awake, aware, reachable, available just in case. When I was a kid, I refused to fall asleep on long car rides; I'd always stare out the window just in case I missed something cool going by. Now I'm 24, a far cry from that preschooler. My phone stays on 24/7. My ringer is always on at night just in case someone needs me. Just in case something happens. If you need me, if you want me... I'm always here.
But for the last few days, extending into last week, I've been afraid to go to sleep. I used "afraid" because I've yet to come up with a better term. I don't want to sleep. I want to fight it. I'm not scared of my dreams, or am I? ... I'm scared of tomorrow, and I don't know why. The next day ... not scared that I won't make it, but scared that I will. My friend told me it's an ill-fated attempt to preserve time, to not waste it on sleep.
A losing battle.
But I try anyway. I'd rather be reading, or writing, or talking, or with someone. Anything but sleeping. My mind keeps moving until it naturally shuts off. I haven't even been noticing myself fall asleep... I just inevitably lose the fight. What am I thinking about? Why won't I sleep?
What am I scared of?
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