Stay Cool ...

i'm having a moment.

a
shut-the-fuck-up
let-me-breathe
calm-yourself
hush
moment.

a
this-is-not-how-
i-envisioned-things-
so-wait-
up
moment.

a
stuck-in-time
moment
where nothing seems to make sense
and everything moves too fast.

[blow my doors off.]

a
where-did-you-come-from
moment.
and
i'm in the mood
to disappear.

[so much to do, so little time.
so easily sidetracked.]

i'm not the same
as i was
when you think
i met you
yesterday.
tomorrow
will prove
that today
is real.

now,
if you'll excuse me...

---

i feel like falling back. like crawling into a shell. like i need to step back from every situation, re-evaluate my approach. like i need to sit on a stool and listen to my corner. probe for openings, keep my hands up, stay on the move, play the angles, and when the time is right...

boom.

much to do. i'm trying to engage a bunch of different aspects of self to make it happen, too. i need all of me, and we all need to be on the same page. i almost need to fall back - things are getting too hot on a number of fronts, and in order to keep everything in check, i almost feel like i should just disappear.

temporarily, of course, and not in a bad way.

"wanna get away?"

but it's pretty hard to do that when you're needed. wanted. desired. just trying to keep all parties at the table pleased. keeping those water glasses filled without allowing the table to tip...

excuse me.
someone else just ordered a drink.